THE WAR (a spoken word poem)

THE WAR-by Tony May

Days go by, people come and flee, love appears and vanishes in the blink of an eye.

Hope and pain, at times feels as if they were one and the same.

Anguish and sorrow, feelings like there is no point in waking up for tomorrow.

What happened to feelings of true love and bliss?

Where did all the hope go? When is it time feel free?

There was once a time when I could look up to the heavens and I would be relieved of my burden, but something must have happen between now and then. Because no matter how hard I try this agony just wont end. My compassion is dwindling, my faith has wavered, my life has no meaning, I don't know if I can go on on my own. But that’s just it! I cant go on on MY OWN, I cant do it MY SELF, I cant do it ALONE. I NEED help, I NEED Christ, I NEED brothers and sisters of the cross, I NEED guidance.

Fighting a war alone is a lost cause so what makes this spiritual war any different? What makes this fight and easy one, in which I a lowly man can take on Satan? If we expect to take on the forces of darkness we NEED fellow warriors of the light to stand side by side in this war. Our body armor of Righteousness dawned, our belt of Truth around our waist,our helmet of Salvation fitted, with our shield of Faith, and our sword of the Spirit raised up high for all of man to see! This fight is not about me this fight is not my own but once I excepted Christ Jesus as my savior, I agreed to be a warrior in His holy army! Christ builds us up, and Satan tries to break us down. These times when we are falling short and falling away from Christ theses are the times in which we need to stop and think twice. Satan is clouding our minds, and laying down road blocks, trying to make us stumble and and fall. But with the help of our brothers and sisters of the cross it is Satan who soon shall fall!

Coming back is the hardest thing yet.

As I sit her trying to write something meaningful and inspiring I find my self at a lose, not at lose for words but a lose for THE Word, there was a day when I was lost IN the Word, but now I feel so absurd trying to write a rhyme, when in all honesty I’m just wasting time… Not my time but Gods time, I’m wasting the time He has given me on this earth, in the time I’ve wasted I could have given birth. I was once an active advocate for the Word but now I am no more then a bird, a bird with a broken wing, thinking to my self “I’m grown, I can fix it, it’ll heal!” when in all actuality I’m hoping someone will come along pick me up and with enough love and affection my broken wing will heal. But in stead of a bird, I’m a grown man that can barely stand and instead of a wing I have a broken heart, not broken in the modern sense, but broken in the biblical sense . Like I said earlier I was lost IN the Word, but now I’m lost IN the world, lost in parties, money, and girls, lost in this sink whole we know only as “The world”. iv been lost for so long I don’t remember what it feels like to be found, but here I am my feet planted firmly on this ground . I’m ready to start this journey, I’m ready for this trip to begin, I’m ready to stand up finally and say “NO” to sin. I’m ready on the outside but am I ready with in?! the quick answer is no, no im not ready. I’m in no way shape or form ready for this, my heart is still broken, my soul needs a fix, my mind is all over, I’m not fully sure if God exists . But I have Faith, it may not be a lot but its there.. it’s not something I can see, touch, or hear. But I know in my heart the Christ is near, Christ saved my life from my stepfathers knife, on the dreadful night when he took the life of my Mother and brother, Christ saved my life. He save me years later from my self, he saved me from the drugs, he saved me from my self Christ Jesus saved me from who knows what else, and that is why I have Faith.

PS: im not sure if this is done or not its just where i am rite now.

Fighting the GOOD FIGHT!

wrote a new poem. feed back? (and yes i know my grammar is crap but its a rough draft, not even sure if its finished)

Days like today, i wonder where my mighty God is. i wonder why i feel so down, why is it that small things are making me so angry? why am i drained, where did my energy go? what happened to make today so bad, when yesterday was so good? why am i afraid? or is it Satan that’s afraid of me? I shouldn’t feel this way, i know this because Christ's love has set me free! satan is scared, he is afraid of the things that Christ has planned for me. satan is scared and he is afraid that i will shine light on his corrupt plan he has in store for humanity. my choices are cut and dry i can live for God or i can live a lie, i can trust Christ when he said "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 NIV) or i can live life like a foolish man, stepping back and giving satan way so he can fulfill his demonic plan... so what should i do? do i give in and let satan bring an end to man? or do i stand strong, like a power house of Christ's word, gathering believers so were ready to fight when satan thinks it time to bring an end to man? that’s rite we Stand! We put on our armor and we fight, we fight for whets rite! we fight for the truth, for those who are weak, we pick them up dust them off and share with them the love of God

This is my story.

People keep saying to me Tony tell us your testimony! So here you go, I was was born into a family with a single mother who worked her tail off to feed my two older sisters, older brother , and my self. we lived in Cali we were lower class but we were to young to realize it. a week after my fifth birthday i remember my mom sending me to sleep because it was late and as i slept i woke up to screaming and yelling, sat up in my bed, and ask my oldest brother Eric what was going on. Eric was only twelve he told me "its okay tony go to sleep" i laid back down and the yelling continued so we got up to see what was going on and saw my mother and Ronald my step day argue and fight. Ronald then started to hit my mom and grabbed a Knife then i ran back to my bed climbed under the covers and Ronald chased Eric back into the room. I remember Eric scream out "NO, STOP, PLEASE, NO, HELP, MOMMY MOMMY HELP! he climbed to the top bunk were Ronald ripped him down and started stabbing him over and over and then slit his throat, i laid there to scared to make a sound, Ronald stood over me knife in hand and then i felt this warm filling cover me this warm comfort take over me as if it was a force field wrapped around me. i fell asleep quickly and awoke with no injury and looked over to see my brother's eye meet mine. ill spare you the details of how his body looked but what i will tell you is i had to jump over him and the blood and ran into the living room my eyes full of tears were i saw my mother laying on the floor eyes closed wrapped in a blood soaked blanket. Now this is were it gets fuzzy i remember screaming "MOMMY WAKE UP PLEASE! PLEASE WAKE UP MOMMY!!" and my oldest sister Jenn came in and grabbed me and Reza called 911 but my sisters tell me when they woke up i was no were to be found and they called 911, i guess the cops found me sitting on the swings at my neighbors. we were shipped all around. we ended up at our grandma's and grandpa's in Washington state. 

were after about a year, we were split up Jenn to her fathers, and Reza to her fathers . I on the other hand well we don't know who my dad is so i stayed with my grandparents. i was only in 1st grade when we were split up.. Going threw all of that at a young age made me angry! It made me depressed, it made me violent, it turned me evil. i spent all of my Jr High and Sr High years in trouble at school, i smoked allot of pot and drank more then anyone should drink in a life time. i was in and out of counseling, i strive to make a my grandparents proud but the truth was my grand mother blamed me for the death of her daughter, and with that working against me i started looking for a new family. i found my family with who i call "The Blood Brothers" we were a band of brothers there was Terence (the younger brother that basically lead us), Trystan (the older brother i needed so bad in my life), Dillon (the youngest), Brent (the responsible one), and my self together we made up the craziest, most hardcore youngsters to grace the streets of this town.with out these guys i would probably be a shady tweaker or something lol. in Jr High i met Joe he was the one kid that ever stood up to me! the funny thing was he was like two feet shorter then me. well when i spent every weekend at his house for the most part, he was my best buddy. his foster parents loved me and at one point when they bought a new house bought me a bed there so that i didn't have to sleep on the floor. well one day in High school my uncle mike was so tweaked out he acussed me of stealing his drugs when i told him i didn't do it he spit in my face i hit him so hard in the jaw he fell over i was 16 at the time we got into a huge fight, i threw him down the stairs and it went from a fight into a beat down.. i spent the knight in Juvie and when i got out Gayle (Joe's mom) asked me to come over for the weekend, that weekend they told me they wanted me to move in. i moved in there and they help grow me in the Lord watering the seed that Chris Field(180 youth group pastor) planted in me in Jr high when i first learned about Christ accepting him into my life at a big youth event call Big Splash at the Wild Waves Amusement Water Park. After High school i moved out and fell on some hard times were i became a drug dealer to pay rent things didnt work out to well so i moved back to my grandparents i became a punk rocker and drank and partied all day and night i was a wreck i was kicked out for partying and moved into my band-mates house we had gotten into a fight and Rob and Gayle took me back in i kept drinking and partying trying to forget life not caring if i lived or died and i started to think about God but then brushed it off. i turned 21 and i was barely cognitive for the whole month of December  but January 1st 2010 i woke up after a crazy new years party, still drunk and stoned i laid in my bed and i said to my self "I need something more.. I NEED GOD!" i closed my eyes and cried, i cried out to God i asked Him to save me! I BEGGED Him to deliver me from my sins. and from that day forward i gave up the drugs and the drinking and now i live my life for Christ!

  "This is my story and its sad, but its not the story of a kid who was lost and found, its the story of a young man who was dealed a bad hand but threw Christ was lifted up and and made an apostle threw trials and tribulation"

Faith VS. Works- why dose it have to be a debate, is there no simple Answer? YES THERE IS!

As long as I have known about Christ I have heard countless debates on "Faith vs.Works". Now before I start I would like to state that these are only my opinions. But I also feel that I raise valid points. There is no right or wrong when it come down to faith and works, I feel however that if you don't have solid faith in Christ and his teachings, you are not fully seeing the point behind doing His works. After all when you are saved in Christ, wouldn't you like to plant the seed in others? Would you not want to help save others and bring them to the cross? Doing works isn't a stipulation you have to fulfill to get into heaven. Doing works isn't something you HAVE to do in order to be a "Good Christian", doing works is something you should WANT to do! Doing His work is part of the joy in being saved, when you are truly filled with Gods love you should feel like you NEED to do good works, you should WANT to to do good works and good deeds, should WANT to share His love, you should WANT to spread His word, you should feel the DESIRE to to help those that need help! just look at the apostle Matthew he was a Jewish tax collector and at the time being a Jewish tax collector was worse then being murder to other Jews. he was unanimously hated by all the other Jews in his town when he walked down the streets other Jews would throw things at him and shout even worse things. once he was excepted by Jesus and his sins were forgiven he became an influential apostle doing good deeds, and bringing the news of the savior Christ Jesus to the other tax collectors and pharisees. At no point did Christ say to Matthew "Matthew go and do good works and bring others to me, then i will wash your sins away and you will have a place in heaven" no, that never happened! what happened was Matthew was excepted by Christ Jesus and was so full of the faith and joy that Christ brought him that he felt called to spread the joy and mercy he received through Christ with anyone and every one! This is the way i see it Faith without works is dead, but works without faith is fruitless. Luke 6:43 "For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit," this may be me reading into it but, that verse says to me that if my faith is pure in Christ that the fruit I bear and the seeds I plant will be good and only good, and if my faith isn't there or my faith isn't true, if I plant a seed or bear fruit that my fruit will not grow in Christ's image. now my question to you is, with your faith as it stands what kind of fruit/seeds are you planting? before you and answer that I want you to think about it take some time to really dwell on it! and if you think your fruit is bad or your not spreading seeds or bearing any fruit what can you do to remedy it?

Spirit language

ok so i have been a skeptic for a while on spirit language. For the last month or so i have been so lost in my faith like i have had my faith but i wasn't on fire ya sure some days i would have bursts of fire but overall i have been so lost! and recently i have just been separating my self from the church more and more.. last night i had this urge to message a friend of mine as a plea for help in my faith. his name is Matt and he is like the purest person i know like he will bend over backwards for anyone and everyone! well i told him i wanted to chill. i slept in today to avoid church, he called me this morning and asked me to come to his church i was like "why not" knowing inside that i needed to.we went to church with his mom and i got there walked into the prayer room and there were ppl speaking in tongue i was pretty uncomfortable to say the least, so we went to check out the youth service. we walked in and it was great like these youth were so on fire and so welcoming! one of the youth leaders were praying in tongue and i was like "oh Boy" i had spent about 20 min in prayer and i asked God "Father i feel in me that this tongue thing is powerful and if its real and if its of you please God give me this gift!"  and i was running out of words i could feel it coming like i needed to just let it out.. then when the pastor called up anyone with a road block on there heart to come up and he would pray for them, i walked up i waited in a row and closed my eyes to pray i started praying and i was at a loss for words when i just started mumbling and it progressed into a langue i can only describe as a spirit language..

Take Hold. (a Poem)

My name's Tony May and i'm here to make a confession rite here, rite now, today!

here's the deal, it's time to take off my mask and be real.

For so long i refused to feel, for years i refused to open up and let my broken heart heal.

I've seen bad things happen to good people, yet i flock to sin.

Now I run to the cross bearing steeples, in hopes of becoming one of Gods chosen people.

i count my self as one of Christ's children but when it boils down to i have the same mind set as other lost men.

not knowing were i went wrong, or what Christ is calling me to do. i feel constantly lost, wishing i knew what i'm here to do.

i'm only one man with not a lot to offer the Kingdom of Christ, but i will do anything for the Son that payed the biggest price.

i was a cheat, i was a liar, i was and adulterer and a sin supplier.

but like the words of Jeremy Camp "You'll take me back always "

i don't know when and i have no clue how, but once i surrender i know ill feel his love come down!

i'm far from flawless, i'm no where near a saint. my light may not be a raging fire but its far from faint..

i'm just a lost soul waiting for God to pick me up dust me off and build me back up to whole.

i'm sick of this waiting game, i'm so beat down by life i'm so close to giving up but then comes the light!

the light in my heart, the light that lets me know that that this is only a start.

the start of a beautiful relationship, do you give up in a marriage after your first fight?

no! that's rite you forgive one another and live and love another night!

so what makes that relationship different the the one with our God? think about it doesn't it strike you as odd?

so many people are willing to give up at after the first "fight", so quick to shut out there internal light.

are you willing to pick up your cross and fight? if not it quite alright.

just remember Christ is always ready to fight...

fight for you to be wrapped in the Holy light!

Dont Give Up Look Up!

As i sit in Church semi dozing off due to lack of sleep, fighting the urge to go back to the wonderful world of slumber like a mother fighting to find her baby in the burning building, i hear the pastor say "don't give up, look up!" He was talking about when your lost, when you pray for God to help you with something in your life and it don't feel like He can here you. He was saying to not give up but instead to look up to Christ and put your faith in Him and in prayer. No matter how Monotonous it feels waking up daily and praying the same thing over and over , day in and day out, you have to have faith that Christ will provide! All things happen in "GODS TIMING" as much as we would like for it to happen when we want it to...Sadly thats not the way this cookie crumbles. instead look at it like if God gave us everything we wanted when we wanted it what lesson's would we ever learn? Would we be as moral as we are? what happens when you give a child everything he wants? when said child grows up will that child know how to fend for them self? Wouldn't the child grow up expecting that everything be handed to them? like the story says "teach a man to fish he can eat for the day but teach a man how to fish and he can eat for a life time." Now God is teaching us to fish. If He were to give us everything we wanted we would starve when it came time for us to to teach our children how to "Fish" would they not starve as well?

What is the grace of God?

What is Gods grace? i mean really? NO one really knows for certain. trust me i have been asking around since i came to Christ, but i think i have a handle on it to some degree. i don't even know were to start. Gods grace is like Gods ability to love us unconditionally, although this may be part of it i don't think that that is the whole picture. We as humans are foul-able, were self righteous, self absorbed and we think in the "what works best for me" mind set. God knows this, He knows we are all full of sin and spite but by His grace we are forgiven. in no way am i justifying these actions im just shedding light on them. We as humans don't deserve to be alive, we don't deserve the love of Christ, but that's is just it! we may not deserve it but we get it and that rite there my friends is "THE GRACE OF GOD!" we didn't deserve the Great Sacrifice! but threw Gods Love, Mercy, and Grace, God sent his only son down to earth to become one of us and to die on the cross. (John 3:16 KJV) "¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

With that being said i want to touch on the topic of the sacrifice. i never understood until now why he had to die and what made it so monumental. the Bible talks a lot of "tithe". Giving the best of your crop, the best sheep, the best grains. it talks about giving it back to the Lord,(Deuteronomy 12:6 NIV)"there bring your burnt offerings and sacrifices, your tithes and special gifts, what you have vowed to give and your freewill offerings, and the firstborn of your herds and flocks." And when Jesus was sent down to this land he was and is the first and only son of the Lord. So in a way its like Jesus was our "Tithe" we shed the blood of the holy lamb inadvertently mind you, but God knew what was going to happen He knew we were going to crucify Jesus. With the blood of Jesus our sins were washed away, much like when the Jews of that time took there lambs and sacrificed them to the church. The big difference here is this wasn't just any lamb this was "The Lamb". and we didn't just sacrifice him to the church we gave him back to God! and with that our sins were washed away! granted we didn't know it when we did it, but all the while God knew what we were going to do. God threw His grace (Jesus Christ) wiped our slate clean! so i bring it back to the main question, "What is grace?" and i will sum this all up in one word! "Jesus"

inner pain. (poem)

O.k, so this one is short, but it is such a heart felt one. this poem basically is a plea for God to deliver me from my inner demons, its a cry out to the father begging him to just forgive me and lift me up from the darkness Ive been wallowing in for some time now.

Broken, Contrite, Beaten, and Bruised.

Father deliver me yours to use.

Fire, brimstone, and Lies.

Father deliver me, Please Father open my eyes.

Sadness, Death, And Carnage that haunt my soul.

Father delver me fore your the only one that can make me whole.

Darkness, Depression, and Sacrifice.

Father deliver me i'm sick and tiered of trying to hide.

Tears, Pain, going threw life full of Shame.

Father deliver i'm ready to give it up for your Holy name!!

A Letter to my readers.

Dear readers,

If you know me outside of this virtual world, then you know that for the past month or so i have been very sedentary in my faith in fact you could say that after last Friday my faith was almost nonexistent.. i have been having such a hard time trying to wrap my head around life, around God, around want he wants me to do with my life. A dear friend of mine has past away on the 6th and well it really took its tole on me it really ripped me away from my belief system. i guess you can say that it was just the out i needed. the truth is, I am scared of living a good life for Christ. Yeah i know i have been living a life if Christ since 1/1/10 but.. so many things have been beating me down so much spiritual attack and so much uncertainty has invaded my mind and when Alex passed it was just like "GOD? are you there? where are you, why do i feel like you have left me? why don't i feel your love? why is Satan pulling me down? Please Father show me you care, show me you love me show me you are real!" and i couldn't take it so i just shut down but now i'm ready to live for God again, i guess the reason i'm telling you this is so you know that everyone is subject to the mental, emotional, and spiritual beat down we call life. i will be taking it slow i will be posting but.. don't be scared if my style changes. i'm still tony and i still love God but i need some time to figure out what God wants of me and my life..

PEACE, LOVE, AND KINDNESS

Tony May.

What is true faith? (a spoken word poem)

faith what is true faith?
i don't know if this question has boggled the minds of men
but what i do know is that faith has no end
its not something you can win its not something you can earn, but it is something.
something like a burn...
its a burning sensation that dwells deep within your soul
its knowing that threw the love of Christ Jesus you are made whole,
and believe you me you will soon see without a shadow of a doubt what Christ truly was and is all about!
Christ Jesus died on the cross to eradicate sins and once your heart fully takes that in... that is when you know the severity of our day to day sin.
true faith is that sensation within that says "stand firm don't give in!"
true faith is knowing that we get a second chance,
true faith is when your willing to take a stance!
a stance against evil a stance against the dark forces that invade our lives day in and day out!
i don't know about you but I've had enough and i want Satan out!
i want to live my life i want to live it rite
i want to live my life and i want to live it by the light.
the only way to accomplish this difficult task
and trust me when i say its difficult,
is to seek him with your heart your whole heart.
you can pray all day and cry all night but if your heart isn't truly there then you are fighting a soon to be victory less fight!
I'm sorry if my words cut deep and stick in but you have

O.k so first off i'm not trying to offend anyone! I just want you to dig deep into who you are as a follower of Christ Jesus! I want you to reevaluate your faith and take a step out of your comfort zones and embrace your faith fully! thank you and as always stay blessed!

Dead and gone but in no way forgotten. (a poem)

Death is just another part of life,

people come, people go,

people live, people die,

people laugh, people cry,

some may even laugh until they break down and cry,

reminiscing on time they used to kick back and eat pie,

reminiscing on times they used to kick back and watch life past them by,

but there has to be more to life then this,

I mean there has to be more then living with your head so high up in the mist,

if you don't know then let me hand it to you,

God is the answer, he was the first to come and the first to know you,

God is the father, God is the light,

God is the only way to live your life rite,

so why don't you kick back and give it a try?

after all you might find yourself saying my oh my.

Jesus Christ you are rite, Jesus Christ you are the light.

Jesus Christ you love me, even in the heat of a fight.

Jesus Christ you guide me threw the darkest night

Jesus Christ, your all rite!

MY testimony

ok so i posted the plain text of this but here is the video!

A Road Called LIFE! (Devotional)

Dear Reader,

When you feel lost , remember that no matter where you've been, where you are, or where your going that you are found. God the creator of all is there with you at all times. He is there when you are to weak to walk. He is there to pick you up and carry you when you don't have the strength. He is there building you up when you feel broken down. Remember that God loves you with his entire heart and want us to be whole in Him. Think of life as a winding road with steep hills and short hills, and at the end of the road is a magical garden called Heaven. You start off on a well paved road, at a leisurely pace enjoying the walk. Everything seems fine and dandy until you get to your fist hill, you start up this small hill it takes a little more work but you get to the top just fine. You keep going who knows for you the road called life may be fairly tame for a while before you find your self face to face with a downed tree cutting you off. Now you have a couple of options you can take the side road labeled “short cut”, or you can try and move the tree. You don’t have to lift the tree you just have to move it enough to get by it. So you choose to move this tree, its heavy but you manage to move it a few feet just enough to slip by it. You keep on walking until you hit a lager hill twice as big as the first hill and yet again there is a sign labeled “short cut”. your tiered at this point so you choose to take the road. The terrain of this road is rocky and the next thing you know you begin to slip and fall into a ditch. You try and climb up but you have fallen to far down, and that’s when you ask God for help. Now the thing about God is he will help you up but not with out some effort on your end, so as you climb he reaches his hand out to you to grab hold of and pull yourself up. After back tracking you find yourself face to face with the hill and you start climbing again. You make it top but you are to weak to walk that’s when God steps in and picks you up and carries you until your are ready to start on your own two feet again. Life is full of hills and hurdles in the roadway. Life is full of false streets labeled “short cut”., and you are going to stumble and fall into pits of despair and want to give up! But remember that God wants you to make it to the end of the road God wants you to come to Heaven and sit at the foot of his thrown. But you have to have faith and know in your heart as well as your mind that He will always be by your side and He will never forsake about you. Philippians 4:13 (King James Version) “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” so as you go threw your day, week, month, year, and life remember that you can do all things threw Christ.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lord God, father most high. I ask that you be with the readers of this devotional, that you lift them up when they feel weak. I ask that you reach your hand out when they fall into a pit of despair. I ask in the name of your son Jesus Christ that you rain down your love and grace and let them know that they are never alone when they have you in there heart. In the name of your beautiful son,
Amen
~~~~~~~~~~~~

The start of a new me. (poem)

The start of a new me.

I lived once of the world. Now I live for you.
Praise be the King
i once lived to gratify my need. But now Jesus Christ you are all that I see.
Praise be the King
I was full of sin and spite. Now i realized that life wasn't rite.
Praise be the King
I was so full of despise and full of anger and hate. Now I see that you are beautiful and great.
Praise be the King

Light of the darkness take me home, pull me closer then I have ever known.
Draw me close
Relinquish-er of my sins, how I long for your love within.
Draw me close
Great giver of life, please Lord deliver me from this life of strife.
Draw me close
Oh great Father above, shower me in your endless love.
Draw me close

I repent to you, oh Lord please make me new.
Set me free
I plead to you my Lord , spare me from your Brod sword.
Set me free
I surrender my life to you, I am willing to do anything you tell me to.
Set me free
I beg of you remove these shackles from my feet, these heavy shackles of defeat.
Set me free

The Message of Hope.(devotional)

Dear reader,
The first thing i want you to know is that Jesus died on the cross for YOUR sin. Once Jesus shed His life our sins were instantly washed away we started over with a clean slate. God sent down His only son to sacrifice Himself for the sins of our fore fathers, therefore our sins were all washed away.(John 3:16 [NIV] For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life) don't get me wrong we are all going to sin, and we are all going to stumble and fall some times but what separates us from true believers and "Sunday believers" is repentance. its knowing that you messed up, feeling the guilt, praying, and asking God to forgive us for our sins. just remember that God loves us relentlessly, and wants nothing more then to have us His children, sit at the foot of His throw. in times of weakness remember this "1 Corinthians 10:13 [the message] No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." that verse is my favorite simply because it lets me know that when im having a rough time, when i feel ready to just give up and just quit that I'm not the only one that feels this way. i know that once i get past this hurdle my life relationship with the Father will grow and ill be ready to keep going. like i always say "life may close a door but God cracks a window and its up to YOU to seek it out!"

"Lord, please be with the readers of this devotional. lift them up when they feel broken down, let them know that they are not alone, show them the power of your Son Jesus Christ! Bless them threw there day to day life let them not forget the Grate sacrifice of Jesus your one and only son!. its in your name we pray, Amen."

Feeling fake. (poem)

i preach, i pray, i talk about God every single day.
i act like im holy i act like i know whats best, but deep down in side i cant feel Christ in my chest,
i know that he died for me, i know because of it i am free,
no matter how hard i try, i cant seem to reach that high,
no matter how hard i fight i cant seem to feel the way i did that night,
no matter what steps i try to take, deep down in my heart i still feel fake
i was so on fire so in love, i was willing to give my life to the God above,
i ran, i sprinted, i dove into a life for Christ,

i gave up the drugs i gave up the sex,
i lifted my head and i cried "Christ what's next?"
i gave up all that i once knew i gave it all up i gave it all up for you!
you changed me Lord, you showed me that this isn't my life to live this is yours,
but still inside i feel fake, in side i feel like im worth less then the slithering snake
i long to feel the way i once did,
i long to to feel like i belong, but every thing i try just feels wrong,
i feel like iv let you down, i feel lower then the dirt on the ground,
i know that you love me regardless, i know that you love me for all my faults as well as strength,
i know that you love me Lord i know that its not fake, i ask that you lift me up and fill this half empty tank!

In theres darkness ther is light.(a Christian spoken word)

broken down

i surrender i fall
i give you my all
i fall to my knees
i beg you lord please
i beg you Lord take me back
i beg you Lord fill this crack
i beg you Lord fill the cracks of my heart
i beg you Lord heal my broken heart
im broken im shattered
my heart is torn and tattered
im crying im sobbing
all i want is my heart to stop throbbing
i long for that peace i once had
im sick and tiered of being torn apart and sad
i take my sins and i lay them at your feet
i shed my pride and i admit defeat
i am broken down to the ground
and only threw Jesus Christ can i be found.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD

By the grace of God I am alive
By the grace of God I can open my eyes
By the grace of God I can stand on my own two feet knee deep in a world gone aerie
By the grace of God I can fight evil
By the grace of God I can stand and I can fight
By the grace of God I can fight all night
By the grace of God I can love
By the grace of God I WILL love
By the grace of God I can look beyond your past,
By the grace of God I can show you the love of God that will forever last.
By the grace of God I can forgive and forget
By the grace of God I can help you reach what you never thought you can get
By the grace of God I can help you along a great path
By the grace of God I am your brother
By the grace of God I can stand by your side
By the grace of God I will fight the good fight
By the grace of God I CAN

When it rains it pours, rain gear.

Ok so here is the deal, there are going to be days when God rains down his grace and his love, days when he will bestow great things in your life, like a good grades, your football team wins, your out skating and you land a heel flip for the first time, you get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Days when the good stuff just keeps coming. And we love times like that rite? I know I sure love those days weeks months were life is on a roll and everything is just going so super great! But then there are those days were life is on the downside, when you loose the big game, you get a bad grade, your girlfriend or boy friend breaks up with you, you find out your parents are splitting up. Now those are times no one likes… I mean those are the times when you feel alone, scared, angry , and overall bad! Those are the times when you need to know that God is there with you even though you feel he is far away. Satan is constantly trying to bring you down he is always trying to make you feel bad, trying to break you away from God! Those are the times when it rains down the bad rain and if your not careful you can drown, trust me no matter how bad life gets if you give up it will get worse. So you have to put on your armor, and with that being said can I get the first slide? “10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” so what its saying so far is to put on your armor everyday, and to stand firm in your faith. Next slide. “13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place” so when it says to put on your armor of God think of it as praying! That is the first piece of armor you need everyday! 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place” (as Austin puts on a rain coat and gloves) now see Austin has put on his “belt of truth” and his “breastplate of righteousness” but he still isn’t ready to go out in the rain just yet next slide. :15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
(I plan to just wing it from here and after he is all prepped for rain were going to pelt him with “flaming arrows“ {Nerf bullets} and then close in prayer )

When it rains it pours pt2 (satan rains sin)~Sermon

I'm going to be real with you, this last week i had a real hard time with faith, temptation, and sin... the only way i was able to get threw it was by prier, by putting on my armor, by having faith even though i didn't want to, and Fellowship having others pray for me and with me. just cause i am a big Christian doesn't mean I'm not vulnerable to Satan's tricks in fact it makes us as followers of Christ a bigger target! Satan is going to try and break us down tear us apart, and build his army of sinners, he wants to spread his hate and his sin and by breaking us down! When we are broken down and losing our faith, That's when Satan strikes! thats when he moves in and fires his flaming arrows of Hate, Disperse, Sadness, and Anger! Satan wants us to be his little puppets, he wants us to spread HATE ANGER SADNESS AND DESPAIR he wants us to rain down his darkness, he wants us to pour down his misery. You have all heard that saying “Misery loves company” rite? Well I look at it like “Satan loves company” , I don't know about you but I don't want to be in the company of Satan! I don't want anything to do with Satan! So what we have to do is stand firm! Even though there are times when we just want to give up and renounce or faith, because life just feels so hard and feels like your going nowhere fast, thats when you need to believe in God the most! thats when you need to know that God loves you and will be here for you and he always has! Revelation 21:6-7 “6 He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7 Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children“.
Rite there! “The beginning and the end” he was here before us and he will be here after we are long gone..
He will be our God and us his children! He is our father and the devil hates that! The devil wants to break that bond! So he throws all these evils into our lives! He wants us to be broken.. We as followers of Christ no we as CHILDREN OF CHRIST are the biggest threat to Satan. When we stand side by side and put on our breastplate of righteousness, pick up our shield of faith, grab hold of the sword of the spirit, we become Warriors of God's army! We stop letting Satan rule over those around us, we take the lead in this spiritual war! Satan likes to rain down his evil and pour out his sin! God on the other hand likes to rain down his MERCY and pour out His GRACE! Who would you rather be in the presence of?

Forgivness (message)

    Ok so I want to talk to you about forgiveness today. Not just any forgiveness but Gods forgiveness! And yes there is a difference and its big! Here is the thing, God loves us and he made us all with this thing we call free will. Now the thing about free will is that it means we can be influenced to do things. Be them good things or bad things… And God will forgive us for the bad things, but I’m not saying go out and brake all the rules or go and sin as much as you can. What I’m saying is that as humans we ARE going to slip up, its not the end of the world. And God forgives us for our slip ups and the only thing we have to do for his forgiveness is ASK him! I don’t mean say “oh hey God I’m sorry forgive me?” I’m saying pray and ask God “Lord I’m sorry for my slip ups, I know what is did wasn’t for you. I ask Lord in the name of your son Jesus Christ, Please Lord forgive me.” and if you truly mean it God will forgive you! Its not the act of asking, its asking and meaning it with all your heart! Its knowing that you messed up and wanting to learn and fix your mistakes! And that’s what makes Gods forgiveness different then our forgiveness! Now I’m going to read something from the bible 1 John 1:9 and it states "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." now that’s straight out of the bible! Now I’m going to tell you a story, there was once this man with two sons and one day his youngest sons up and said.. “Dad I want my half of the estate and riches,” so his dad gave it to him soon after he said “forget you dad I can do this on my own and left.. The son went out and wasted all of what his dad gave him threw wild living and then when he realized he was broke he started looking for work he found a job but it didn’t pay well in the least he was starving he didn’t have enough money to keep him self fed he realized that back home his dad took care of his workers and fed them and paid them good but he was working so hard and was starving. So once he finally realized he was in the wrong he decided to go back to his dad and say “dad I’m so sorry for what I have done and I am not worthy to be your son but please give me job” so he set off back home. He was walking down the road and his dad saw him. His dad was so full of joy to see his son was safe and alive he ran to him a wrapped his arms around him! Now this isn’t just any story guys that story is right out of the bible its called the lost son! And it just goes to show Gods forgiveness.. Look at it as we are the son and Christ is the father we run away and when we come home Christ is so happy to see us he is willing to forgive us as long as we ask and really mean it! That is the grace of our God!

MY TESTIMONY (SPOKEN WORD)

Depressed and alone, anxious and cold.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to lay down and just die!
Full of anger and despair , living my life with not even one care!
No were to turn to, no were to go, I didn't give a dang, I just wanted to go!
I wanted some thing more, I wanted something real,
I yearned for something, just something to feel!
I turned to evil, I thought it was fate, I sold those drug and man I thought it was great!
Getting high all day, getting drunk all night, partying it up until it ended in a fight .
Slamming my fist, pounding away . Throwing a savage beating cause he called me gay.
This is what I lived for, this was all I breathed, anger and carnage it dwelled inside of me.
That was my life for years on end, I dint think it would change or even bend!
The only problem was no matter how much I smoked or how much I drank, I still felt fake.
I still wanted to scream, I still wanted to cry, I still wanted to lay down I still wanted to die,
I was still full of anger and full of despair. I was full of dark feelings but I tried not to care.
Ya I knew about God, I heard what He can do, I tried it once or twice before, but in an instant I just knew!
I knew it was time, it was time for me to give Him my life, and end all this strife.
Still drunk and stoned , laying in my bed I bowed my head, closed my eyes and started to cry.
Weeping away I ask Jesus to enter my heart, and I asked Him to stay!
Jesus is my drug of choice, He gave me a voice, He gave me a second chance. Now its time to take a stance.
Its time to stand firm, time to put down my pipe. Time give it all up and live the good life.
so here I go, jumping on in leaving a life of sin for life with Christ that dwells within.
Gave up the drinking, gave up the sex, gave it all up and asked “Christ what’s next?”
Christ spoke to me and said ministry, he told me to take my story and share it aloud, to stand up and be proud!
So there you go, that’s my life in a shell. You can ask what happens next but only time will tell…

LIFE(not finished)

I'm not going sugar coat it, life is hard.
It's not a walk threw the park, life is dark.
life isn't easy no its not breezy.
no not by any means, just look around and count the fiends.
just look around count the users, abuser ant the ones we as society label the "loosers"
here's a question "how are we better then them?" WAIT "are we better then them?"
NAY SAY NO WAY, NO HOW. NOT THEN NOT NOW!
we all the same were all sinners and were all to blame.
were all at fault for our own miss doings and our own miss-deeds,
Jesus Christ knew its so on the cross he hangs and bleeds!
can you fathom the the pain he went threw?
the agony, the anguish, and the death he died for you!?

FRENDS=TRUST (sermon i gave at HCC)

Oh so last week Jason talked about what?
Yes. FRIENDS, well were going to get deeper into friends , lets talk about trusting your friends. I know when I make a new friend I have to trust that person,. I mean I need to know this person will be there for me, threw some of the toughest times, like when I’m having a really bad day and I really need someone to talk to. I need to know that my friend will be there by my side. I need to know that my friends will do what they can to make it me feel better. When I think of friends I want to instantly smile. If your friends don’t make you smile I suggest you seriously think about why it is you aren’t smiling? An then think to your self if there really a friend? So trusting your friends means they wont lie to you, my buddy told me the other day that lies misplace trust. So with that being said why would you want a fried that would lie to you? I mean think about it would you lie to your friend? The good news is I know someone that wont lie to you, will always be there for you, and will even pick you up when you are fallen. His name is Jesus and he will always be by your side. Check this out "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6). So what its saying is if you trust the Lord you will be ok He will guide you. Lets break this down. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart". don’t trust evil, aka friends that want you to bad things or bring you away from God, what I’m saying is trust God, if your friend wants you to do something you don’t think is the best idea then stop and ask your self, ”would Jesus want me to do this?”. "Lean not on your own understanding". Don’t be arrogant for the Lord knows best. Listen to your mother and your father - the voice of experience. I hate to break it to you guys but your not wise enough to be your own guide. Its ok cuz neither am I. I have to trust in Gods will just like you. “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He Will direct your paths” God is there for you and your well-being. He will help you during those challenging times and through all of the storms. He will help you to make the right decisions and lead you in the right way. God can be your security and help you to face any challenge! With that being said I need someone to read something for me. Anyone brave enough to read out loud?
(reads 1 Corinthians 10:13)~ now what that is saying is that even threw the hardest time trust in God He will never give you more then you can handle! Lets pray.

one and the only

accountability (bible study sermon)

Lets talk about accountability, holding your self accountable. So I want each of us to think about something we struggle with a lot like a sin. Mine is sex more so lust, like as most of you already know I had a lot of problems with that.. And when I found god those problems didn’t just disappear but instead he gave me tools to overcome.. Look at me now I don’t have sex, I am not dating till I feel God wills it.. I wear this ring that states my devotion to Jesus, I use this ring to keep myself accountable, when I feel like slipping I look at the ring and know that its not what god wants of me.

We are all accountable for what we say and do. We are all ultimately accountable to God, and we should always remember to act accordingly. We are however also accountable to each other, to one another as fellow believers, holding fellow believers and Christians accountable. The Bible teaches us to encourage, pray for and correct one another in love, and in Christ. It is extremely useful to have people of the same mindset (i.e. fellow believers with the same goals) in our lives that we are accountable to. These “accountability partners” can help us stay focused, encourage us when we need strength, and help us get right back on track when we start to stray. We should also remember to be accountable to ourselves, holding ourselves responsible for our actions and for the results of our own actions – instead of blaming others. God also holds us accountable when we do not exhort others or fail to warn others who are going the wrong way.


“For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written:
“ As I live, says the LORD, Every knee shall bow to Me,
And every tongue shall confess to God.”” (NKJV)

1 Thessalonians 5:11
James 5:16
Proverbs 24:24-25
Proverbs 12:15
Romans 14:11
Ezekiel 3:18-19
Romans 14:12
Psalm 51:5
1 John 2:2
2 Samuel 12:21-23

THE ONE AND THE ONLY

THE ONE AND THE ONLY

He is the creator of all, all that we know.

He is the air that we breath, the light that we seek.

He is the blood in our veins, the reliever of our pains.

He is the redeemer of our sin, the light that lays within.

He is all that we know and all that we are, he loves us so much even tho hes so far.

No mater how far, no matter the distance.

Remember that he is all ways here with us.

No matter the trials, no matter the tribulations.

Remember that he will always be with us.

No matter the sins, no matter the hate .

Remember that he is mighty and great.

No matter what you've done, no matter what you may do.

Remember that he will always love you.

He is my God, the one I pray to.

He is my God the father of me and you.

He is my God the one that gave his only son.

He is my God the one that loves each and everyone.

He is my God the one I hold dear.

He is my God the only one I do fear.

He is my God the one that is holy.

He is my God the one and the only!

NON BELIEVERS (THERE NOT THE PROBLEM WE ARE!!)

Now here is a touchy subject... "non believers" why is it that we as "good" Christians either A. Judge, B. Shun, C. Try to "convert" or D. all of the above when we meet non-believers? Now lets break this down. A/B : the bible states "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.(A)"-Matthew 7:1-5. i believe it means to not judge for we are not perfect ourselves. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.(B)" Galatians 3:28 Basically we are all the same in the eyes of God. OK so as far as "C" goes the bible states "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.(C)" Matthew 28:19-20, now yes it dose say to go out and baptize the nations. but were dose it say we need to do it like we are better then others? look at it this way they (non believers) are like lost sheep that need a hand finding there way back to the shepherd. God is more concerned with the lost sheep then he is the rest of us... "Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:3-7 so get of you "holier then thou soap box" and open our eyes and see that we are all imperfect in gods eyes! now don't get me wrong i AM NOT saying don't preach and spread the Gospel what i am saying is ... don't force your views down someones thought or try and scar them into believing because if you do they don't truly believe they will one (believe) due to fear and wont really know Gods love! this only hinders there salvation when i was fallen i found "pushy" christians to be very off putting and well i felt like i was being judged all the time (and by the way when your a punk with a green mohawk and grimmy clothes you get pretty good at knowing when your being judged!). most christians tried to either scare me into believing or viewed me as i lost cause. if i can be frank for a moment that was when i needed god in my life the most thats when i needed someone to say to me hey man its cool if you don't believe but your still a good guy! what i didn't need was someone to tell me i was going to hell and i was living my life wrong! i needed some one with a down to earth attitude that was willing to be civl and talk to me about the word of God not preach the fear card to me. i guess what i'm really getting at here is with all the sin and hate in this world we need to be more understanding and open to non-believers because maybe its not that they don't want to believe maybe they just haven't been give the chance? maybe they are just so burnt out on the stereotypical christian like i was?who knows maybe they truly want to but are afraid? i leave you with this

"If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat,

and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,

for you will heap burning coals on his head,

and the Lord will reward you."- proverbs 25:21-22

MY CRY TO GOD

I worship the Lord the Lord above

The Lord who shows me his endless love

I worship the Lord that gave his son

The son that shed blood for everyone

I worship the Lord the Lord the Lord my God

Even tho some say, hey thats mighty odd

Use me Lord use me now

Use me Lord i dont even care how

Take my hands and guide my faith

Cuz in your arms i know im safe

Just say the word and let me know

I promise you Lord i will never let go

With out you my Lord i know im lost

Oo i surrender it all at any cost

My Lord my God i give you all that i am

I give you all that i can

I give you it all tho im only one man.

TRUST

TRUST

When life gives you lemons what do you do? You make lemonade and wait for apples. When life gives you apples what do you do? You make apple pie, then you kick back, drink your lemonade, eat some pie and wait to see what life hands you next. Life is full of unexpected situations and hardships. It's the way life is; we all know this. This is why we must trust in God and keep our faith in God providing for us because scripture tells us “God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus!”- Philippians 4:19. So if you don't get that raise or that car you have always wanted then relax! All this means is God isn't ready for you to have that car or raise just yet or ever! Don't you dare lose faith just because things didn't work out the way you wanted them to, remember Christ Jesus knows best and “His will be done”. Sometimes it may not feel like it; heck some days it may feel like God wants us to suffer...well yes. Sadly enough he dose, “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him” Philippians 1:29. God dose want us to be happy but more then our happiness, God is with our character. Now what happens if you give your child everything they want when they want it? You end up with spoiled children that expect the whole world on a silver platter, and when they don't get it they throw a fit and make life miserable for those around them. And quite frankly this is how I feel we act on a daily basis. When we don't get what we want we turn into those spoiled little children; we make life harder for those around us, we get irritable over small things that really don't matter, and we might even lose our faith when things don't work out. It's like we are so willing to give up on and forsake God, when actually this is the time we need to have more faith. This is when we need to trust in Christ the most. “God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, that he may train us up in a dependence upon himself and a continued readiness for every event.-Matthew Henry”

evil prevails when good men do nothing!

Philosopher Edmund Burke, a wise man once said "all that is needed for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing!". what dose that really mean? there are two types of ppl out there there are the good and the evil the sinners and the saints, the  believers and the non believers! there is no "in between" there is only one or the other! now i ask you , are you evil or are you good? are you a sinner or a saint? are you a believer or a fake?... look deep in your heart and ask yourself  "what do "I" do to stop evil from prevailing?" when you see someone getting mugged do i run the other way or do i run to help? when i see a kid fall off his bike crying in pain do i pick him up? do i ask him if he is ok? or do i keep walking? i know what i would do but "you" what would you do? dont answer that think about it.. dwell on it... from here on out i want you to think to yourself "what do i do to keep evil from prevailing? what do i do to make a difference? what do i do to keep evil from triumphing? what do i do?!!?? now say your hungry so you go to the mini mart. you grab a soda a bag of chips and you see there is a deal on sandwiches y'know buy one get one, so you get one. you are walking down the street eating your chips and enjoying your pop and you see a homeless person. someone down on there luck and you think to yourself " i have and extra sandwich, i wonder if this person is hungry?" so you give them the sandwich now here is were we determine your character... did you give them the sandwich out of the kindness of your hear or because you got it for free so  it was  it was "convenient!?" honestly had it not been free would you have given them YOUR sandwich? YOUR lunch? it seems that today we are only really willing to help out if it is "convenient" for US! now was it "convenient" for Jesus to give his life for our sins? Dont you think he had things he rather be doing.....LIKE LIVING A LONG LIFE?!! maybe have a family? maybe baptize the sinners and hal the sick.. BUT NO!! he gave his life to save us and resolve our sins... why because he is our savior and he is willing to put us first! how do we repay his deeds? we turn our backs on evil and let it consume the masses! how do you think he feels about the freedom he gave us? i think its time for us to to adopt a new mantra if you will.. i heard this from another wise man but he wasn't as famous ans Mr. Burke his name was Chris Feilds and he was my first youth pastor. he said "I AM 3RD" God is 1st others are 2ND AND I AM 3RD!!! 

my goals hereare to:

My goal is to get us to think to expand our minds in intellectual religious conversations! 

i may say some things you dont agree with but thus is the way of the 21st century....

please no offensive language, everyone is entitled to there own opinion!

no play safe