Coming back is the hardest thing yet.

As I sit her trying to write something meaningful and inspiring I find my self at a lose, not at lose for words but a lose for THE Word, there was a day when I was lost IN the Word, but now I feel so absurd trying to write a rhyme, when in all honesty I’m just wasting time… Not my time but Gods time, I’m wasting the time He has given me on this earth, in the time I’ve wasted I could have given birth. I was once an active advocate for the Word but now I am no more then a bird, a bird with a broken wing, thinking to my self “I’m grown, I can fix it, it’ll heal!” when in all actuality I’m hoping someone will come along pick me up and with enough love and affection my broken wing will heal. But in stead of a bird, I’m a grown man that can barely stand and instead of a wing I have a broken heart, not broken in the modern sense, but broken in the biblical sense . Like I said earlier I was lost IN the Word, but now I’m lost IN the world, lost in parties, money, and girls, lost in this sink whole we know only as “The world”. iv been lost for so long I don’t remember what it feels like to be found, but here I am my feet planted firmly on this ground . I’m ready to start this journey, I’m ready for this trip to begin, I’m ready to stand up finally and say “NO” to sin. I’m ready on the outside but am I ready with in?! the quick answer is no, no im not ready. I’m in no way shape or form ready for this, my heart is still broken, my soul needs a fix, my mind is all over, I’m not fully sure if God exists . But I have Faith, it may not be a lot but its there.. it’s not something I can see, touch, or hear. But I know in my heart the Christ is near, Christ saved my life from my stepfathers knife, on the dreadful night when he took the life of my Mother and brother, Christ saved my life. He save me years later from my self, he saved me from the drugs, he saved me from my self Christ Jesus saved me from who knows what else, and that is why I have Faith.

PS: im not sure if this is done or not its just where i am rite now.