This is my story.

People keep saying to me Tony tell us your testimony! So here you go, I was was born into a family with a single mother who worked her tail off to feed my two older sisters, older brother , and my self. we lived in Cali we were lower class but we were to young to realize it. a week after my fifth birthday i remember my mom sending me to sleep because it was late and as i slept i woke up to screaming and yelling, sat up in my bed, and ask my oldest brother Eric what was going on. Eric was only twelve he told me "its okay tony go to sleep" i laid back down and the yelling continued so we got up to see what was going on and saw my mother and Ronald my step day argue and fight. Ronald then started to hit my mom and grabbed a Knife then i ran back to my bed climbed under the covers and Ronald chased Eric back into the room. I remember Eric scream out "NO, STOP, PLEASE, NO, HELP, MOMMY MOMMY HELP! he climbed to the top bunk were Ronald ripped him down and started stabbing him over and over and then slit his throat, i laid there to scared to make a sound, Ronald stood over me knife in hand and then i felt this warm filling cover me this warm comfort take over me as if it was a force field wrapped around me. i fell asleep quickly and awoke with no injury and looked over to see my brother's eye meet mine. ill spare you the details of how his body looked but what i will tell you is i had to jump over him and the blood and ran into the living room my eyes full of tears were i saw my mother laying on the floor eyes closed wrapped in a blood soaked blanket. Now this is were it gets fuzzy i remember screaming "MOMMY WAKE UP PLEASE! PLEASE WAKE UP MOMMY!!" and my oldest sister Jenn came in and grabbed me and Reza called 911 but my sisters tell me when they woke up i was no were to be found and they called 911, i guess the cops found me sitting on the swings at my neighbors. we were shipped all around. we ended up at our grandma's and grandpa's in Washington state. 

were after about a year, we were split up Jenn to her fathers, and Reza to her fathers . I on the other hand well we don't know who my dad is so i stayed with my grandparents. i was only in 1st grade when we were split up.. Going threw all of that at a young age made me angry! It made me depressed, it made me violent, it turned me evil. i spent all of my Jr High and Sr High years in trouble at school, i smoked allot of pot and drank more then anyone should drink in a life time. i was in and out of counseling, i strive to make a my grandparents proud but the truth was my grand mother blamed me for the death of her daughter, and with that working against me i started looking for a new family. i found my family with who i call "The Blood Brothers" we were a band of brothers there was Terence (the younger brother that basically lead us), Trystan (the older brother i needed so bad in my life), Dillon (the youngest), Brent (the responsible one), and my self together we made up the craziest, most hardcore youngsters to grace the streets of this town.with out these guys i would probably be a shady tweaker or something lol. in Jr High i met Joe he was the one kid that ever stood up to me! the funny thing was he was like two feet shorter then me. well when i spent every weekend at his house for the most part, he was my best buddy. his foster parents loved me and at one point when they bought a new house bought me a bed there so that i didn't have to sleep on the floor. well one day in High school my uncle mike was so tweaked out he acussed me of stealing his drugs when i told him i didn't do it he spit in my face i hit him so hard in the jaw he fell over i was 16 at the time we got into a huge fight, i threw him down the stairs and it went from a fight into a beat down.. i spent the knight in Juvie and when i got out Gayle (Joe's mom) asked me to come over for the weekend, that weekend they told me they wanted me to move in. i moved in there and they help grow me in the Lord watering the seed that Chris Field(180 youth group pastor) planted in me in Jr high when i first learned about Christ accepting him into my life at a big youth event call Big Splash at the Wild Waves Amusement Water Park. After High school i moved out and fell on some hard times were i became a drug dealer to pay rent things didnt work out to well so i moved back to my grandparents i became a punk rocker and drank and partied all day and night i was a wreck i was kicked out for partying and moved into my band-mates house we had gotten into a fight and Rob and Gayle took me back in i kept drinking and partying trying to forget life not caring if i lived or died and i started to think about God but then brushed it off. i turned 21 and i was barely cognitive for the whole month of December  but January 1st 2010 i woke up after a crazy new years party, still drunk and stoned i laid in my bed and i said to my self "I need something more.. I NEED GOD!" i closed my eyes and cried, i cried out to God i asked Him to save me! I BEGGED Him to deliver me from my sins. and from that day forward i gave up the drugs and the drinking and now i live my life for Christ!

  "This is my story and its sad, but its not the story of a kid who was lost and found, its the story of a young man who was dealed a bad hand but threw Christ was lifted up and and made an apostle threw trials and tribulation"

Faith VS. Works- why dose it have to be a debate, is there no simple Answer? YES THERE IS!

As long as I have known about Christ I have heard countless debates on "Faith vs.Works". Now before I start I would like to state that these are only my opinions. But I also feel that I raise valid points. There is no right or wrong when it come down to faith and works, I feel however that if you don't have solid faith in Christ and his teachings, you are not fully seeing the point behind doing His works. After all when you are saved in Christ, wouldn't you like to plant the seed in others? Would you not want to help save others and bring them to the cross? Doing works isn't a stipulation you have to fulfill to get into heaven. Doing works isn't something you HAVE to do in order to be a "Good Christian", doing works is something you should WANT to do! Doing His work is part of the joy in being saved, when you are truly filled with Gods love you should feel like you NEED to do good works, you should WANT to to do good works and good deeds, should WANT to share His love, you should WANT to spread His word, you should feel the DESIRE to to help those that need help! just look at the apostle Matthew he was a Jewish tax collector and at the time being a Jewish tax collector was worse then being murder to other Jews. he was unanimously hated by all the other Jews in his town when he walked down the streets other Jews would throw things at him and shout even worse things. once he was excepted by Jesus and his sins were forgiven he became an influential apostle doing good deeds, and bringing the news of the savior Christ Jesus to the other tax collectors and pharisees. At no point did Christ say to Matthew "Matthew go and do good works and bring others to me, then i will wash your sins away and you will have a place in heaven" no, that never happened! what happened was Matthew was excepted by Christ Jesus and was so full of the faith and joy that Christ brought him that he felt called to spread the joy and mercy he received through Christ with anyone and every one! This is the way i see it Faith without works is dead, but works without faith is fruitless. Luke 6:43 "For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit," this may be me reading into it but, that verse says to me that if my faith is pure in Christ that the fruit I bear and the seeds I plant will be good and only good, and if my faith isn't there or my faith isn't true, if I plant a seed or bear fruit that my fruit will not grow in Christ's image. now my question to you is, with your faith as it stands what kind of fruit/seeds are you planting? before you and answer that I want you to think about it take some time to really dwell on it! and if you think your fruit is bad or your not spreading seeds or bearing any fruit what can you do to remedy it?

Spirit language

ok so i have been a skeptic for a while on spirit language. For the last month or so i have been so lost in my faith like i have had my faith but i wasn't on fire ya sure some days i would have bursts of fire but overall i have been so lost! and recently i have just been separating my self from the church more and more.. last night i had this urge to message a friend of mine as a plea for help in my faith. his name is Matt and he is like the purest person i know like he will bend over backwards for anyone and everyone! well i told him i wanted to chill. i slept in today to avoid church, he called me this morning and asked me to come to his church i was like "why not" knowing inside that i needed to.we went to church with his mom and i got there walked into the prayer room and there were ppl speaking in tongue i was pretty uncomfortable to say the least, so we went to check out the youth service. we walked in and it was great like these youth were so on fire and so welcoming! one of the youth leaders were praying in tongue and i was like "oh Boy" i had spent about 20 min in prayer and i asked God "Father i feel in me that this tongue thing is powerful and if its real and if its of you please God give me this gift!"  and i was running out of words i could feel it coming like i needed to just let it out.. then when the pastor called up anyone with a road block on there heart to come up and he would pray for them, i walked up i waited in a row and closed my eyes to pray i started praying and i was at a loss for words when i just started mumbling and it progressed into a langue i can only describe as a spirit language..

Take Hold. (a Poem)

My name's Tony May and i'm here to make a confession rite here, rite now, today!

here's the deal, it's time to take off my mask and be real.

For so long i refused to feel, for years i refused to open up and let my broken heart heal.

I've seen bad things happen to good people, yet i flock to sin.

Now I run to the cross bearing steeples, in hopes of becoming one of Gods chosen people.

i count my self as one of Christ's children but when it boils down to i have the same mind set as other lost men.

not knowing were i went wrong, or what Christ is calling me to do. i feel constantly lost, wishing i knew what i'm here to do.

i'm only one man with not a lot to offer the Kingdom of Christ, but i will do anything for the Son that payed the biggest price.

i was a cheat, i was a liar, i was and adulterer and a sin supplier.

but like the words of Jeremy Camp "You'll take me back always "

i don't know when and i have no clue how, but once i surrender i know ill feel his love come down!

i'm far from flawless, i'm no where near a saint. my light may not be a raging fire but its far from faint..

i'm just a lost soul waiting for God to pick me up dust me off and build me back up to whole.

i'm sick of this waiting game, i'm so beat down by life i'm so close to giving up but then comes the light!

the light in my heart, the light that lets me know that that this is only a start.

the start of a beautiful relationship, do you give up in a marriage after your first fight?

no! that's rite you forgive one another and live and love another night!

so what makes that relationship different the the one with our God? think about it doesn't it strike you as odd?

so many people are willing to give up at after the first "fight", so quick to shut out there internal light.

are you willing to pick up your cross and fight? if not it quite alright.

just remember Christ is always ready to fight...

fight for you to be wrapped in the Holy light!

Dont Give Up Look Up!

As i sit in Church semi dozing off due to lack of sleep, fighting the urge to go back to the wonderful world of slumber like a mother fighting to find her baby in the burning building, i hear the pastor say "don't give up, look up!" He was talking about when your lost, when you pray for God to help you with something in your life and it don't feel like He can here you. He was saying to not give up but instead to look up to Christ and put your faith in Him and in prayer. No matter how Monotonous it feels waking up daily and praying the same thing over and over , day in and day out, you have to have faith that Christ will provide! All things happen in "GODS TIMING" as much as we would like for it to happen when we want it to...Sadly thats not the way this cookie crumbles. instead look at it like if God gave us everything we wanted when we wanted it what lesson's would we ever learn? Would we be as moral as we are? what happens when you give a child everything he wants? when said child grows up will that child know how to fend for them self? Wouldn't the child grow up expecting that everything be handed to them? like the story says "teach a man to fish he can eat for the day but teach a man how to fish and he can eat for a life time." Now God is teaching us to fish. If He were to give us everything we wanted we would starve when it came time for us to to teach our children how to "Fish" would they not starve as well?